Gregory Louershmidt (pictured above wearing his treasured tam o’ shanter), son of Francis and Jeanine Louershmidt, graduated from Collarton Medical School last month, becoming the first resident of Askatoon to join the medical field.
After six years of medical school, Dr. Louershmidt is ready for anything. Through broken bones, excess vomiting, and numerous concussions, not to mention all the injuries and ailments he has helped to heal, Dr. Louershmidt considers himself a broad expert on anything and everything that can happen to, or in, the human body.
Louershmidt is a fabled name at Collarton. As the only student to be used as an in-class example of both lingering alcohol poisoning (otherwise known as a hangover) as well as a sprained ankle–on the same day–Professor Cassandra Fruittree has fond memories of Gregory, for the most part.
“He was always helpful,” Professor Fruittree said. “He wanted to help the other students as well as himself. He was always very excited to tell me how he had gotten injured the night before. Nobody will be able to stump him when it comes to skeletal injuries.” When asked about the “Day of the Porcupine” told of in whispered fable, Professor Fruittree simply gasped, muttered to herself in an ominous way, and hung up the phone. Further calls have been ignored.
When contacted for comments about their classmate, numerous friends and accomplices of Dr. Louershmidt expressed a strange desire to dish out the dirt.
“Greg’s a great guy,” current intern Robert Olson said. “Make sure you ask him about his night in county jail. It’s a great story.”
Dr. Littlesmith, a member of Dr. Louershmidt’s graduating class, disagreed with mister Olson. “The night in jail isn’t bad, but it doesn’t even come close to when he snuck onto a clown competition. He got second place and didn’t even have makeup.”
Finally, Dr. Zachariah Butler thinks the most notable story about Dr. Lourshmidt is none of the above. “A night in jail? A clown contest? Forget about those. They’re nothing. Listen. Greg got a good…he’s got a head on his shoulders. He’s honest. He tells you what you need to hear. He’s going to be a great doctor. It turns my stomach to say it, but he might even be a good father one day. But listen to me closely. Do not. Ever. Let him near a porcupine.”
No other classmates would go on record about the Day of the Porcupine.
Dr. Louershmidt journeys to East Dakota for his internship, where he looks forward to assisting with farming injuries and snowmobile accidents and, if he is indeed blessed, gunshot wounds.
When asked about the possibility of their son returning to practice medicine in Askatoon, Louershmidt’s mother Jeanine went on record as saying: “No, no, no, he shouldn’t come back to Askatoon. He should be where he can do the most good. He can’t do any…somewhere with more people that he can…administer to.”
Dr. Louershmidt originally intended to journey to West Point and become a Commissioned Officer after graduating high school but was not accepted after failing to spell “lieutenant” correctly on his application.
(Copyright Askatoon Blabber, current year)
Daniel Deisinger is a great singer, wholly romantic, and convinced he’s alive. His work has appeared in over thirty publications, including Havik, Defenestration Magazine, and Ripples in Space. His new ebook Hymnfire is available on Amazon. His X account is @Danny_Deisinger, and his website is saturdaystory-Time.weebly.com.”
Modern Flash Fiction 